I cannot find my penis.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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