Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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