My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
