remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
