There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't turn off my feet"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
