i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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