I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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