I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
