how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize