bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
