I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
