I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
