I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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