the condom got lost in my hair
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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