How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
