There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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