he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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