11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
