What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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