i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
