You don't have asthma, your pregnant
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
