people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
