Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
