i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Only a mothe r could love this liver
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
