I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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