C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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