i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
