I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
