I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize