I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
