Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
