Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
