My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
