Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
