It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
