im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
