Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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