She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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