we have officially lost it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
