i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
