Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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