I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
