Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
