i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think i have two assholes
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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