Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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