I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
