so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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