maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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