dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You ruined the universe
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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