I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
