So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
