I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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