it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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