i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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