Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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