My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
