32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
