Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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