Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I believe in your delicious
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize