I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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