Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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