I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
