I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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