you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
