he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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