Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
