don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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