i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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