I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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