Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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