i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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